Is Honesty The Best Policy Even If You Don't Like The Answer?

www.reodorant.com

If I had a dollar for every time that someone asked me to 'tell them the truth', and, then, when I did, be angry at me for doing so, or completely cut me off, well, then, I'd be an absolute squillionaire!

I've always believed honesty to be the best policy, and I still do, but I've fast come to realize that, for most, unless the answer is the desired, feel good one, that perhaps a slight 'sugar coating' is a little sweeter to taste. 

I've also come to realize that unless the majority agree with your 'honest' answer, chances are, you can very quickly become the scapegoat. 

I think that giving or receiving an honest answer is often actually a lot scarier than we think.   I wonder if it's because we are scared that the answer will upset us or someone else, or, that it may get ourselves or someone else in trouble, or, simply because, sometimes, the answer will cement what we already know, but don't truly want to hear? 

Who would have thought that one suggestion, 'be honest with me' could have so many moral conditions attached to it?

“If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to”  Anon. 

How many times had you wanted to tell someone that you fancied them, or that they were being rude, or that their breath smelled, or that their child's bratty behavior was upsetting your child or household?  How many times have you actually wanted an honest answer or, have given your honest answer or opinion when asked?  How often have you stood up for yourself and told someone something that, while perhaps, it may not have been the answer they wanted to hear at the time, it was the honest one…with the best intent?

"A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

William Blake, "Auguries of Innocence," Poems from the Pickering Manuscript

More often than not, out of fear of upsetting someone or labeling ourselves as 'rude', rather than be honest, we say nothing, and instead, accept our own unhappy frustrations and neglect our own feelings and in the end, the feelings of those we are trying to protect. 

If my breath smelled like a sewer explosion, my child was being a brat, or, my a*s really did look fat in that dress, I would absolutely want to know the ‘honest’ truth.  Even if it would upset or embarrass me initially (and it probably would, I’m not made of steel), I’d have more respect for you, knowing that you had actually respected me enough to save me from further embarrassment or ‘whispers’.

Corporate Lollipops

I remember being called in to my supervisor's office, at my first job in America, and asked to explain why my client was upset.  Well, that would be because when the client asked what I thought, I honestly told her that I didn't like the idea and gave reasons of how it could be better.  I wasn't being rude, I was giving what I thought was the desired, honest, answer, but clearly the question came with an underlying 'just agree with me’ clause.

And, then there was the time that, while working for a major Australian airline, I was asked, in front of an entire group, what I thought of the current uniform T-shirt design, of which my one-word response was 'Foul'.  It was truly hideous, surely anyone with even the slightest bit of fashion sense could see that, but of course, that wasn't the right answer, so again, I was called in for 'tea and bickies', and advised in a very nice way of course, to keep my 'ASKED' opinions to myself. 

Admittedly, I could have used a little more tact, but honestly, why bother asking for an opinion if you really, only want your ego blown into the spotlight…just another lesson learned!

I also learned quickly that, to save any further 'tea and bickies' meetings with the boss, rather than be blunt, I would bite my tongue, smile and give the best 'honest' sugar coated answer I knew they were truly searching for.   Oh, but, that’s how it seemed to work in the corporate world, surely when I entered the world of stay-at-home mUmmyhood, it would be different right?

That depends...do you really want an honest answer?  Of course you do(n't). 

The Parent Poster Child & The Little White Lie

As a parent, I drill into my children to tell the truth, I drill into them that regardless of the outcome, an honest answer will always prevail.  Sure, sometimes the situation will be scary, especially when they have done something wrong, and being honest will feel like the absolute last thing they want to be, but at the end of the day, honesty is integrity, and that will shine far brighter than any caught out lie. 

I always tell Alena: 'If you've done something wrong, yes, you are going to get in trouble, but if you lie to me about it, then that trouble is going to be ten times worse, you decide'.

What about the little white lie, just as popular as the little black dress?  I’m sure that we have ALL told them, whether it's been the, 'oh I feel too sick to come to work', or 'it's not you, it's me', but, are they just an easier, less guilty way to lie, and when do they become dangerously embellished?

Is a lie a lie if it’s not doing anyone any harm, and how would you explain to your child, the difference between a lie and a little white lie when the fact is, in technical terms, they are both lies, and telling neither of them would be considered, being honest?  

The Honesty Clause

Being honest should not be brutal or mean, nor need it be sugar coated into an ongoing, tripping up lie either.  If you expect to give your honest answer, then you absolutely must be prepared to accept an honest answer yourself.  Every situation requires a certain level of respect and 'tip-toeing'...but, there is always an appropriate time and a place for honest words, as long as they are true! 

Crikey!